My dear Friend, Hope my word will find you best of your health and cheer. As I am replying you after so many days it’s due to the cause of mathematics project that took my all past few days. Still I apologized for my delay reply, please read it and find it in your heart……!
Thanks Friend for extending your esteemed friendship with me that I value much. Your kind word overwhelmed me. The one “he said to not cast your pearls to the swine lest they should trample them under their feet” wow, It touched heart. You know, I never used to be this way. When I was in high-school I had a wonderful group of friends that I spent all my time with. They were good friends. Real ones. After high-school. we drifted apart, especially once I moved to a different city. I had trouble making friends in the new city, but I did meet some people to hang out with. A few of them were fake friends and I had to end things. The real friends have moved away.
When I came here in this university, I try to make very few friends, probably because I didn’t try very hard. I felt that I didn’t fit in anywhere. Looking back, I can see there were people who tried to befriend me that I do actually like and for some reason I did not take advantage of it.
I understand intellectually that I can be a good friend to someone, and I can be fun to hang out with and I’m loyal. But for some reason when someone I like tries to befriend me, I have trouble believing that they actually like me. I question it and I wonder what they really want out of me.
I want so badly to have a meaningful friendship, but the actual act of becoming close to someone scares me.
I don’t have many friends. I have acquaintances, but not many close friends. I was dealing with some personal stuff and I needed someone to talk to. I could not reach any of my closer friends, so I made a mistake and called someone who used to be a close friend but has turned into a bad friend. So, I decided to keep thing within me, It’s you only whom I expressed my feeling openly, I believed that it will remain locked in your heart only.
I only have one real friend right now; it’s me/ myself only. I am so thankful to have me as a friend, although I often wish that I had more friends in this city that I could hang out with. I hate when I see something that looks like fun to do, and then I realize I have nobody to go do it with. I hate coming home at the end of the day and wanting someone to talk to, only to realize there is nobody that I can call. So ever since that has happened I have come to realize just how friendless I really am.
I also know what it is like to have to struggle each day to live: I myself have to work out my motivations and use my desire to live more. I don’t know if you are like me but I know I have a desire to live a beautiful, normal and decent life. Only I’m not used to using that as a force to get through the day. I’ve learned to be overly serious but I want to learn to laugh too.
There would be a lot more to say only I feel I am taking too much space here. I will write my story someday when I’ll feel I have all the pieces of the puzzle.
Please take care of yourself
With best wishes